i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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