that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
