i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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