There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Randomize