I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
