Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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