Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
