Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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