Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think your dad took our porno
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
