I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
