Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
