I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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