What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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