just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
