I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
