Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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