my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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