thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
