if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
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