This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
