sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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