BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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