I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
