you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
