I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
