I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
