We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
COCAINE IS GR8
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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