and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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