Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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