That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
