Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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