if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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