heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
