WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
