I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
