This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
