the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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