She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
