I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
well I can't set my house on fire every night
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
