I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
