He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
