4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
