2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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