ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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