i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
