Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
