I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
My pussy is not your playground.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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