I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
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