He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
