Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
