The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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