I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
