How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
it's like iHOP with fire
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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