you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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